Conflicted

CONFLICTED...

It is the only word I can use to describe my thoughts.  I was emailed the video for Catalyst this year and it is featuring a lot of awesome speakers that I would love to see but one in particular.  Francis Chan hit me hard with his book last year.  I think he would be very inspiring to see.  His way of thinking and just being so down right honest is wonderful.  Your parents always told you honesty is the best policy.  He does not sugar coat anything (and with my thick skull that is the only way things get through).  If you are a good person with a lot of humility you also know that sometimes the truth hurts, if you expect it to or not. 

So this just sounds like it would be right up my alley and all right???  YES!!!  Freaking yes but problem is (well many problems):

1.) It is $200.  That is a great price but remember I am out of work so $200 is not something for me to spend right now.  Also Sam would want to come too and so that would double the price. 

2.) It would be 3 nights probably without the kids.  We really don't have many people to ask to watch them. 

3.) What if I get a job right around then.  If I am getting a job around that time it is probably retail because I have not been called back for anything else.  They are not so nice about taking time off in October because that starts busy season...not to mention it would be unpaid and that is a problem again (pesky bills).

I feel like this was set in place for me but it is not plausible this year.  Maybe it was set there to open my eyes even wider to the teachings of our Lord and to make this a goal for next year...not sure but it does have me thinking.

Now for those of you that have known me for many years this may sound odd to you that I am into this so here is your disclaimer...

I have searched through many different religions for a long time.  I have went through spells of trying out different religions and different denominations of religions but I have ultimately decided to dedicate my life to Christ.  From my findings I have learned that most religions practice the same ethics but the difference is the worship.  While I love reading the ways of polytheistic religions it just didn't do it all for me.  Finally I had to find a place where I fit in and that was just answered very quickly when we moved to Kentucky.  I never really felt at home in a church in Indiana but down here we just seemed to slide right on in with the group that we were introduced with.  The best part was that they were all having kids (boys to be exact) and were very open with us.  They were very kind and did not judge us as well (if they did then they did not show it) except for the Hoosier part.  So for those of you stunned and is disarray: just be happy for me...I am happy knowing where I belong.

So I leave you with the link to the video I was sent.  See if it inspires you either to go or to just be a better person.

http://vimeo.com/22853288